5 am

Went out drunker than we should. Responsibilities not consumption, for both we had plenty of. We had passed him on the street, lumbering down long legged and sunglassed. "There's Jay,". I don't think I would have recognized him, but lifted my shoulder with the intention of gesturing hello, before she wrenched my arm down and hid behind me as we passed 2 feet from him. "I told him I couldn't hang out tonight. He didn't see us. Did he?" He hadn't slowed a pace. 2 negronis later we text him that we are on our way. excuses for lies made. Union pool. It's always a sure bet. We dance in the sea of 20 year olds forming a circle of desperation about us - the hour was late and no one wants to go home alone. He was holding my hand. Telling me I had all the moves. I want to hang out with you- a lot. We kissed against the dj booth. The taste of him didn't seal the deal. We sat facing eachother- 2 couples in the predawn quiet rolling a spliff. "No one's kissed me like that Ina long time." Cynthia thought I should take him home. "Look at his dick." That's always bee her thing, she's a dick girl. Pressing out against the seem of his pants. He'd later place it in my hand as I closed the refridgerator door and ask to be lead to the bedroom. He had my pants off 5 minutes from entering my apartment. They stuck bunched around my ankles as the laces of my mid-tops were hopelessly entwined. A pair of scissors and hardly a second of coming up for air it all went to my head. I stood naked in the glaring desk lamp burped farted and ran down the hall to puke. Puking and farting simultaneously. A knock on the door. "are u ok" i stand to soon, flushing as he enters already posed to pee. i puke in the second caught between my drunkness and wanting to ask him to leave. i brush my teeth asking him to give me a few minutes. dick appearing hard in my hand i lead him to the bed. within minutes we are full on. several times around. i collapse before i can ask him too.... He sleeps later than i ever could. I search his pants pocket for the ID that will remind me his name. "manus" rings no bells, so i wait, starving, frying no eggs or bacon for i will never rid him that way. tabacco stained teeth and tasting of last nights mouth he picks me up and throws me on the bed. "not now, i'm clean." "just a quicky inside." i wrap my mouth around, "kisses" he asks for, "some of those nice last nights kisses" its the quickest way. i spit on his belly. he doesn't even know he's come. I lock the door, "that moment one farts and burps at the same time you know. it's great that were adults, that you weren't embarrassed" I wasn't going to bring it up.

the kiss goodbye, knowing you wont answer the call.